I remember as a young mum and a busy reporter sometimes lamenting the darker side of feminism. Being a mum and a professional seemed then to be a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” proposition – you were either letting family time get in the way of work or work get in the way of family. My neice, now expecting her first child, is experiencing a similar situation. She was recently faced with a situation of either doing an arduous several months of dream-job training right around the time her baby is due or putting the training on hold so she could spend time with her soon-to-be-born daughter. “I want to do it all,” she told me.
According to Shine, former Lehman Brothers CFO Erin Callan recently wrote an opinion piece for the New York Times in which she stated that she has regrets now over trading her family, friends and even her marriage for the chance to be successful at work. Now 47, she put off having children and – after several years of in vitro fertilization – is trying to get that opportunity back, while confessing that she can’t make up for lost time.
Bloomberg Businessweek writer Sheelah Kolhatkar calls it a “perverse triumph of feminism” that women now feel free to work themselves to death as men did for much of history. I think it’s the sad side of feminism. It’s the thing we women don’t talk about much when we speak of breaking the glass ceiling.
I hope for the day when my niece can do it all when she can raise her child and feel satisfied with her vocational training. When there is a true balance whereby mothers and fathers can have successful careers and still have time for their children’s childhoods. As for now, in 2022, my niece has chosen to delay the job training. It was not a decision that came easily, because she believes that what she does at work will provide a quality of life and a positive role model for her daughter. And it will – later. One thing is for certain, though. As Callan said: You can’t make up for lost time. As my niece realised: The baby will only be a baby once.